Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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