in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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