he looks like a really good dad on facebook
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
