I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
