So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
