I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
