why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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