my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
