i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
