maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
