this boner is exhausting
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
