I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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