I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
