Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
