...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
and she was petting her beer can
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
