it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
