2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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