Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
