Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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