the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
