she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You left your phone here
Wait...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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