This is not my ceiling
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
