After last night, I could never be a politician.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
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boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
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Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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