I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I need to stop coming to work sober
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
