Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
