Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
