hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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