his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
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I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
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New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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