Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
