I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
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