i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
