I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
