I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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