I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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