That's when you crack a 10am beer
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
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all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
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I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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