just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
