Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
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