so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
