Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
