I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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