omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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