Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
