I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
