I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
