happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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