i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
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