every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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