The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
