why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
