It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize