she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
