I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
True but thats because hes a fetus.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
