Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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