I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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