life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
