This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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