She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
