Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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