I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
