she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
