census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
