I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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