After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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