Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
