doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
