My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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