I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
