I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
