hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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