1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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